The Dr Phyllis Show Episode 3
by I the Dreamer
Summary: Ok, so can Dr. Phyllis hold out for the Bauldelaires? And what if Count Olaf shows up? This is sure to be another bumpy adventure for the Bauldelaires, and one heck of a talk show for our Dr. Phyllis.


**The Dr. Phyllis Show Episode 3**Special Guests: Violet, Klaus, Sunny

(random applause from the audience)

Dr. P: Hello and welcome back to the Dr. Phyllis show, where your favorite heroes and occasionally villains are sat down and talk about their problems. Now, for the last few weeks, we have been looking at tension between friends, like Harry P. and Voldemort, and Halt and Morgarath. Today, however, we're going to take a trip down a series of very unfortunate events.. Please welcome the Bauldelaire children.

(random applause as the three orphans enter and take seats)

Dr. P: Welcome to the show.

VB: Thanks...

KB: Hello...

SB: Doshumting

VB: Sunny!

Dr. P: Yes, well... I understand that you three are orphans, correct?

KB: That's true.

Dr. P: So, this Count Olaf, he is your uncle?

VB: No relation to us at all.

Dr. P: But he is your legal guardian?

KB: No.

SB: Ufumpicks (which is interpreted as: How stupid is this lady?)

Dr. P: Um, ok. I understand you lived with your Uncle Monty for a time until he was killed by that large snake, correct?

VB: He was murdered.

KB: By Count Olaf.

Dr. P: Children, this Count Olaf couldn't have murdered your uncle.

VB: He did.

Dr. P: Well, let's not argue.... Then you lived with your Aunt Josephine until she commited suicide, correct?

VB: No. Count Olaf killed her too.

Dr. P: I find this very hard to believe. You lived at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill?

KB: Briefly.

Dr. P: And you went to school at the Austere Academy? I heard the gym teacher was wonderful. Except he wore a turban.

VB: That was Count Olaf. AGAIN.

Dr. P: I'm finding this extremely hard to believe that Count Olaf was constantly tracking you.

KB: Is.

Dr. P: Excuse me?

KB: he IS constantly looking for us. But he's always in disguise.

Dr. P: And where do you currently live?

VB: We don't know.

Unknown Audience Member: Well, you can always come live with me, children

(strange figure stands up from the audience)

KB: Olaf.

VB: Olaf.

SB: oqa (which translates into: Olaf)

Dr. P: Excuse me, can you come down to the stage and present yourself?  
(Figure walks down onto the stage. A man, thin, old, balding, with thick rimmed glasses. Wearing an orange T-shirt, Khaki cargo pants, and military boots. On top of his head is a blue baseball cap turned around backwards.)  
CO: Hello, children. I am Arnold Schwartz, and I can take you to see Mr. Poe. He has the car parked right outside, and your new guardians are waiting.

VB: Olaf.

KB: Olaf.

CO: I really don't know who you are talking about. Who is this Olaf person ? He sounds like a very handsome person that I would love to meet.

VB: Go away, Olaf!

KB: You aren't our guardian!

CO: Come here, children!

(CO jumps toward children, who quickly leave their seats and start climbing up cables for the lighting)

VB: Klaus, have you ever read any books on sets?

(As it turned out, K had read a total of seven books on movie and talk show TV sets.)

KB: We need to turn the lights out.

CO: Get down here!

Dr. P: Children, come down!

(Suddenly, the man with the hook bursts out on stage)

CO: (fuming) What are you doing here?

M w/ H: Sorry, boss, I just heard the commotion and I thought..

CO: I don't care what you think! Get those children! They have the fortune!

Dr. P: What fortune?

CO: The Bauldelaire fortune that their parents left behind after I --- ( he hesitates) -- after their unfortunate death in the fire that burned down the family home.

(Suddenly, all the lights go out. People scream, and a commotion goes on)

CO: GET THE CHILDREN!  
Dr. P: I didn't sign up for this!!

M w/ H: Yes boss.

(scuffles around the room. Suddenly, a door opens in the back, letting a sliver of light into the room. Three small figures slide out the door and head for the nearest bus to take them far away, or at least as far as the next town where there is a boat that can take them across the sea and far away from the dreadful Count Olaf)

CO: QUICK! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!!

M w/ H: YES BOSS.

Dr. P: - sighs - Well, folks, there seems to be some technical difficulties on stage, so I guess this is the conclusion to the week's episode. This is the Dr. Phyllis Show, where your favorite heroes and occasionally villains come and talk about their problems. Thank you and Good night.

(more scuffles)

Dr. P: I can't take this much longer!!


End file.
